Inside The Actor's Studio

I oftentimes wonder how people describe me. Perhaps that is just a testament to how incredibly vain I am but I prefer to think it stems out of an
insatiable curiosity. One of the most fascinating things in the world to me is the words people use to describe others. I find that I am often described with words like "funny, mean, terrible and hilarious.". Most of those relate to my sense of humor and first impressions. As happy as I am to make people laugh I sometimes wonder whether my intentional line crossing is a good thing. I suppose I am just concerned about what words come to mind when people think about me.

I don't want to give off the impression that I stay up late at night worrying about idle gossip. To be honest I rarely care if I am liked, let alone what people call me when I'm not around. I often chalk such statements up to people not getting my unconventional idea of comedy. Yet I occasionally find myself being shocked by how much I do care. I find that the only times that I have ever really worried about what jokes I tell or observations I make being influenced solely by...well if there is a pretty girl in the room.

That worries me, it really does. I think it's normal and natural but I hate the idea that I am trying to cover up some part of myself I'm some sort of attempt to not scare off the ladies. Everybody has known or currently knows that one guy with a girlfriend who is way different when she is around. One second he's a riot to be with and the next he turns all his attention to her almost as if he can't let her see him for who he really is. He probably even has that annoying "boyfriend voice" that he uses when she calls. We all hate that guy!

His flaw is that he is worried whether his relationship would work if his significant other would accept him if she knew who he truly is. The irony is that in attempting to hide himself he has assured that his relationship will fail. May not be anytime soon but on a fundamental level his relationship just doesn't work. I mean there are plenty of stories of convicts and con-men who were married under false alias' for decades before their old lives caught up with them. I never want to be a con-man in any of my relationships but especially romantic.

I want to be comfortable enough that I can be myself around any jaw-dropping beauty that may cross my path. I'd much rather be despised for who I am then adored for who I am not. It"s much easier for me to post a blog about this then to actually live this out. That's why I ask you as my friends to keep me accountable. I implore you to help me gather and culture genuine relationships.

If you see me acting in some sort of role to impress people, call me out on it. If you feel that some of my blogs are just phoning it in (Yes, this one included) give me the tongue lashing I rightly deserve. I need your help to become the man I want to be. The word I want to characterize me, authentic. Simply authentic.