Inside The Actor's Studio

I oftentimes wonder how people describe me. Perhaps that is just a testament to how incredibly vain I am but I prefer to think it stems out of an
insatiable curiosity. One of the most fascinating things in the world to me is the words people use to describe others. I find that I am often described with words like "funny, mean, terrible and hilarious.". Most of those relate to my sense of humor and first impressions. As happy as I am to make people laugh I sometimes wonder whether my intentional line crossing is a good thing. I suppose I am just concerned about what words come to mind when people think about me.

I don't want to give off the impression that I stay up late at night worrying about idle gossip. To be honest I rarely care if I am liked, let alone what people call me when I'm not around. I often chalk such statements up to people not getting my unconventional idea of comedy. Yet I occasionally find myself being shocked by how much I do care. I find that the only times that I have ever really worried about what jokes I tell or observations I make being influenced solely by...well if there is a pretty girl in the room.

That worries me, it really does. I think it's normal and natural but I hate the idea that I am trying to cover up some part of myself I'm some sort of attempt to not scare off the ladies. Everybody has known or currently knows that one guy with a girlfriend who is way different when she is around. One second he's a riot to be with and the next he turns all his attention to her almost as if he can't let her see him for who he really is. He probably even has that annoying "boyfriend voice" that he uses when she calls. We all hate that guy!

His flaw is that he is worried whether his relationship would work if his significant other would accept him if she knew who he truly is. The irony is that in attempting to hide himself he has assured that his relationship will fail. May not be anytime soon but on a fundamental level his relationship just doesn't work. I mean there are plenty of stories of convicts and con-men who were married under false alias' for decades before their old lives caught up with them. I never want to be a con-man in any of my relationships but especially romantic.

I want to be comfortable enough that I can be myself around any jaw-dropping beauty that may cross my path. I'd much rather be despised for who I am then adored for who I am not. It"s much easier for me to post a blog about this then to actually live this out. That's why I ask you as my friends to keep me accountable. I implore you to help me gather and culture genuine relationships.

If you see me acting in some sort of role to impress people, call me out on it. If you feel that some of my blogs are just phoning it in (Yes, this one included) give me the tongue lashing I rightly deserve. I need your help to become the man I want to be. The word I want to characterize me, authentic. Simply authentic.

My Birthday...

Was awesome :).

We Live In An Amazing Age!

Recently I have been finding myself awed by how amazing life is. I don't know what started this change in me but I feel more idealistic then I have in years. My usual cynicism has been eroding away and to be honest I think I like it!

If I were to stagger a guess as to why I think it stems from me taking long hard looks at how I acted in High-School. In those days I was always attempting to come off as some sort of time displaced knight. Somewhere my earnest efforts turned into self parody. I earnestly found type virtues I strove for to be good but the current age we live in to be so bad that there was no reason to earnestly attempt them. I was living as if I was the only one in on some sort of huge cosmic joke. The problem was that the joke was on me...

Recently I am coming to see what a tool that made me. A MASSIVE TOOL. Rather then being some sort of callous paladin like archetype I came off as some sort of snark knight. People respect those who live out their beliefs, to a degree that's the only way to show if you truly believe in something in the first place. I was undermining my own cause.

After reconnecting with many of my friends from high school my previous antics came up repeatedly. I began to get an idea of what my thought process was at the time. Seeing where I came from has helped me see who I want to be. I'd much rather be naieve and idealistic then callous and cynical.

P.S. I know this is a day late but seeing how it's my birthday I hope you all understand.

P.P.S. This was all written on my new birthday gift, an Ipad!

The All-Important First Post!

Chances are that this blog will mostly be just an excersize in writing daily.  I am sure that if anyone besides myself is reading this, it is likely because you are a good friend or more likely someone who saw a post I put up on facebook.  I want this blog to be something...amazing, but I don't know what that is yet.  Maybe as I continue to work on my atrocious writing and you perhaps force yourself to work on reading through my atrocious writing we will find out what that amazing thing will be together.  In the meantime I wanted to throw out some of my ideas and see if any of them catch your eye.

• I totally thought it would be neat if I answered questions from form-spring on here.  Like tough, challenging sorts of questions that would require me to be vulnerable with you.  Maybe it will be a sporadic thing at first but may eventually evolve into perhaps a weekly situation.  I really like the idea but you should let me know if you think it's any good. Ask me anything http://formspring.me/nathancamp
• As an aspiring author I eventually need to actually write a book at some point.  I was thinking of giving you updates on how that whole process is coming along.  I am debating making it a bi-monthly sort of deal just so I am committed to working on my novel rather then just putting it off in that unreachable land of "Someday."  
• I think the majority of the content will consist of me just being as honest as I can muster with you guys about what is going on in my life.  This may relate to my current status but I think will likely lend itself to being about things that I have been trying to work out on my own time.  

Well I hope to some degree I at least appealed to your sympathies and in the future you will stop by and give my posts a once -over.  I am really new to this so having some comrades in arms would make the journey a little less frightening.  Take a look around and tell me if there is anything I should change.  Me Casa Es Su Casa.